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Category Archives: Uncategorized
Song of Saturday
I read a New York Times online piece this morning. Entitled Jimmy Carter’s Long Goodbye, the article was classified as a piece on politics, but the writer’s focus was not on politics. Rather, it expressed what I sense is the … Continue reading
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Lessons
Rest last night has not diminished my fatigue this morning. I should be showering now, but my energy is at one of its low ebbs. If not for my appointment to have “labs” taken by the oncologist’s staff this morning, … Continue reading
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Pink Sky Streaks Send Positive Signals
It is not light that we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake. ~ Frederick Douglass ~ I hear the sounds of a distant helicopter. Of course … Continue reading
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Nothing of Consequence
If my accumulated sleep during the past several weeks could be applied for later use, I might be able to get by without any sleep at all until sometime in late March or early April. Alas, I doubt that is … Continue reading
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Upright in My Chair
Exhaustion seemed to emerge from nowhere, after a day during which I felt moderately awake and alert. I went to bed very early last night, but awoke regularly; almost on the hour. Phaedra’s yowls woke me from a light sleep … Continue reading
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Easy to Dismiss
White chalk, highlighted with charcoal, rusty orange, and dark green spikes. In between, lively grey stretches—almost barren and empty—attempt to represent the sky. The broken colors in my line of vision could be streaks of an incomplete painting, but they … Continue reading
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Scattered
Sleep remained elusive last night, despite the fact I felt tired—not exhausted, but sufficiently fatigued that I thought sleep would come easily. It did not. I slept a little, I’m sure, but not nearly enough. I’ll see what the day … Continue reading
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Think of Feathers
Yesterday, I replaced my cell phone with a much, much newer model of the same brand and same series (my old phone’s battery lasted only a few hours on full charge). Though most of the data were transferred from my … Continue reading
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My Desire Clashes with my Political Reasoning
Yesterday’s chemo treatment went well until the infusion of carboplatin. Not long after the infusion started, I began to have difficulty breathing—not terrible, but noticeable. But with each passing minute, it seemed to get more difficult. I started coughing occasionally; … Continue reading
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Unnecessary
This post will be brief. I do not feel well, but then again I do not feel especially ill; just a little bit on the uncomfortable side of “blah.” Perhaps I ate something that doesn’t agree with me; but if … Continue reading
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It Ain’t Fiction, Calypso
One of the first things I do most mornings—after eating pills and recording my body’s behavior—is to skim various places on the internet. This morning, my skimming took me to a piece on the NPR website. Reading Linda Wertheimer’s goodbye … Continue reading
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Woke
Fuzzy scenes from a dream last night: I was conversing with Leonard Cohen and a woman I did not know while we walked toward what appeared to be a blighted neighborhood. Cohen handed me a saddle-stitched and folded sheath of … Continue reading
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We Are the World
Two days ago, mi novia bought a new cat tree house—an artificial, carpet-covered structure designed for a cat to play, exercise, relax, and sleep on—for my study. It replaces a small painter’s ladder Phaedra (the cat) often uses to peer … Continue reading
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Admiration
Fog makes the tops of pine trees in my line of sight look like smudges. Gazing intently at the more distinct outlines of trunks and branches, I allow the scene to become a painting in progress, in my head. The … Continue reading
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The Return of All that Matters
This is one of those days when I curse myself for allowing my software knowledge and abilities to wither from infrequent use. There was a time, not so very long ago, that I could quickly and easily burnish my understanding … Continue reading
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Nothing of Particular Import
The first month of this year slipped away, almost unnoticed. Time, as always, has a way of distracting us from the reality that it gives us only a limited, but unknown, store of itself. If, at every moment, we were … Continue reading
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Signs of Daylight
It doesn’t take much. A glimpse of a photograph. A memory springing on me, seemingly out of nowhere. The way the quiet morning wraps around me as I sit at my desk. Whatever provokes it, it brings on a sudden … Continue reading
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Mind Wandering and Thought Skipping
Almost every day, I play Wordle, Words with Friends, and the New York Times‘ daily min-crossword. I have no interest, at the moment, in attempting to work the larger, more complex, much more difficult crosswords from the Times—that beast is … Continue reading
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Amo a casi todos…
Perhaps my viewpoint is colored by romantic notions of the way things once were. Or, maybe my perspective is influenced by a combination of respect and guilt. Guilt that the privileged among us are allowing a way of life for … Continue reading
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It’s Easy if You Try…
Finns are at the polls as I write this, casting their ballots to replace President Sauli Niinistö, who will finish his second six-year term in March and who is not eligible for reelection. Finland is one of several Scandinavian countries … Continue reading
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Committed
I was confident I had bounced back—almost completely. But that was before I decided to take a “nap” after dinner, sometime before 6. I woke briefly at around 10 and periodically during the night, but aside from those moments, I … Continue reading
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Verbose and Grateful
I came across a Lebanese Arabic word yesterday that felt almost as though it had been coined just for me. Soubhiyé. One definition I encountered—a definition that feels luxurious and comfortable and beautiful—was this: “the whisper of dawn, when the … Continue reading
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An Acceptable Stabbing
Another grey day, but the temperature promises to remain reasonably comfortable, with a high of roughly 60°F. Yesterday, while I was sleeping (when was I not?), a new supply of propane was delivered, so we can again use our gas … Continue reading
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Insufficient
Another grey, coolish day. I would like to slip back into bed and sleep for the next umpteen hours. Whether it was the very rare prime rib dinner I prepared last night or Monday’s injection I received at the cancer center, … Continue reading
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Think Some More
Injections that protect against infection but that cause bone pain. Pills that calm bone pain. More injections that address blood deficiencies that probably were caused by chemicals intended to kill cancer cells. It’s not overwhelming, by any means, but the … Continue reading
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