Category Archives: Uncategorized

Hallucinations of Bangalore

I make periodic stops at a blog entitled Hallucinations, written by Shruthi Rao, a young woman who lives in Bangalore, a high-tech center in southern India. The subjects of her posts range as widely as mine, perhaps even wider. But … Continue reading

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Poisonous Wonder

In the absence of data, I can only guess. I am simply a surmiser, a theorist who hypothesizes and speculates, a man who deduces and presumes based on the logic of conjecture. Yet my inferences carry the nuclear weight of … Continue reading

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Fragments

Evidence validates the fact that all the broken pieces fit together. It accomplishes nothing more, does it? But doesn’t it show, too, that fragments once meant more together than they do apart? A sphere clutches to all the answers until … Continue reading

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Murky Morning

As I look out my window this morning, the landscape seems to have been painted with a thick brush, heavily charged with grey and brown and ochre pigments. My eyes search for familiar shapes amidst the abstractions of branches and … Continue reading

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Dreamscapes and Their Kin

Strange dreams last night. I was in a  Japanese shipyard, where ships were being launched from an enormous automated contraption that suspended huge cargo ships along a track perpendicular to the waterfront. At the  very end of the track, the … Continue reading

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Senses and Sensibilities Sans Sanity

I wrote two other posts this morning before I got to this one. And I wrote three others last night before I saved them, expecting to return to them this morning and fix them. Instead, I discarded last night’s writing. … Continue reading

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On with the Day

Late yesterday afternoon, I got a message from the Little Rock surgeon to whom my oncologist referred me. I have an appointment late this afternoon. Maybe I’ll know more then. I have plenty of questions for the surgeon. How am … Continue reading

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Promises Promises

Over the years I’ve repeatedly made promises to myself that I’ve broken. The earliest one I remember was the promise I would stop smoking. I first made that promise when I was in my early twenties. It took me thirty … Continue reading

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Thanksgiving Planning

I was daydreaming for a while this morning, thinking about what we might do for Thanksgiving this year. What kind of non-traditional but celebratory dinner might we prepare? But then it occurred to me that I might learn during tomorrow’s … Continue reading

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Warning: You Will Be Bored if You Read This

My attempt to go back to sleep after I returned to bed shortly after 3:30 was an abject failure. I did close my eyes and attempt to empty my mind of clutter. Instead, I closed my eyes and filled my … Continue reading

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Autumnal Experience

An attribute of autumn I once found delightful but now find depressing and burdensome is taking place as I write this. Trees are losing leaves as if the trees were rejecting poisonous attackers, flinging them to the ground in an … Continue reading

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As If Never Written

I wrote recently of the odd turn in my life of late in which my tendency toward self-diagnosed ADHD transformed into laser-focused fixation. Though not resolved, I’m able these days to direct my attention outside myself and to exclude cancer … Continue reading

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Bloody Borders

Whine. Whine! Whine!!!  Okay, there. Maybe it’s out of my system. I have a tendency to make minor inconveniences into major dislocations of my enjoyment of life. “Mountains out of mole hills.” “Much ado about nothing.” The “problems” about which … Continue reading

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A Little Pareidolia and the Gift of Gab

When I look at white billowing clouds in the sky (not this morning…it’s dark), I can see a thousand shapes. Dogs, birds, human faces, you name it. Once I remember seeing what looked like a long stone wall alongside a … Continue reading

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Slightly Improved

I heard back from my primary care physician this afternoon. I was surprised to hear back from him, after the lambasting I gave him for failing to respond to my phone calls and online messages. His reply suggested that he … Continue reading

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This Could be Serious

Until this very early morning, I’d done only a little research into lung cancer and its treatment. Now, after having explored the matter a bit, I wish I hadn’t done my investigation. Ignorance, they say, is bliss. Unless the doctors … Continue reading

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Adolescent Angst at an Advanced Age

The best part of melting into a puddle of hot wax, gravity spilling it into low spots in one’s mental terrain, is that hot wax eventually cools and becomes malleable. After a day and an evening of allowing myself the … Continue reading

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Crack in the Armor

The mind can wander into strange places, miserable dark alleys littered with the carcasses of dead animals and reeking with the stench of drunk old men defecating in their clothes. One’s mind can saunter into dangerous territory when the pressure … Continue reading

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2700

Here it is, my 2700th post on this blog. That’s the number of actual published posts. One hundred eighty-nine additional unpublished drafts wait in the wings. I wrote about ten of those drafts last night. I’m glad I didn’t publish … Continue reading

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Late-Breaking Heart-Healthy News

My cardiologist’s nurse just called to say my stress test was normal. I told my wife this morning that I hoped the nurse would return my call to report the doctor was stunned that my heart was healthier than that … Continue reading

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Que será, será.

I had my PET scan this morning, which is about all I can say about that. It was only mildly uncomfortable to stay motionless on a table for about twenty minutes while the machine took pictures of the inside of … Continue reading

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Looking Back at an Abandoned Opportunity

Several years ago, when we still lived in Dallas, after we closed our business and retired, I had the idea of restoring an old church. It came to me during one of our aimless weekend drives in March 2013. We … Continue reading

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Borges and Writing and Life

I’ve been more productive at writing the last few days than I’ve been in quite a while. Not cranking out novels, mind you, but behaving in ways that resemble what I was doing a year or two ago—writing enough for … Continue reading

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Damn You, Anthony Bourdain, It Might Have Been My Turn to Die

I used to envision myself as the poor-and-unhealthy-man’s version of Anthony Bourdain. He was a grey-haired and large, well-muscled and weathered handsome guy, compared to me—salt-and-sand hair, a smallish and softly corpulent physique, smooth-skinned, and fundamentally homely. But we shared … Continue reading

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You?

I’m not paranoid, just observant. The jobless rate is the “lowest in 50 years.” For some reason, ads encouraging people to join the military have increased exponentially. Investigations into the many accusers of Brett Kavanaugh have been stymied. It’s all … Continue reading

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