Category Archives: Absurdist Fantasy

The Strange Story of Selena

Selena was a raccoon aficionado. She collected raccoons the way some people collect cigars. And like people who collect cigars, she periodically smoked some of the raccoons she collected, though not like people smoke cigars. She kept most of her … Continue reading

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Deflection

He was odd, Granger was. He grew up on the coast of Newfoundland, eating a steady diet of seafood. Over the years, he was a voracious reader, especially science and nonfiction. By the time he was twenty, he decided that … Continue reading

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Bird Talk

I’m looking out a side window near the front of my home, from which I can see the nearest neighbor’s house and a house on the other side of the street in front of yet another neighbor’s place a few … Continue reading

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Cobra

Were I to open a restaurant (and if I did not call it French Kangaroo, the name I’ve given my kitchen), I might call it Cobra. As it happens, others came up with the idea first. Someone is operating a Thai restaurant by that name … Continue reading

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The Kittens

Three kittens walked slowly but deliberately through a pasture filled with angry, menacing dogs. A Doberman Pinscher raced across the field, snarling and growling and baring its teeth, stopping only inches from the kittens. The kittens walked on, unperturbed by the … Continue reading

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Ella

Ella Squilp thought the idea sounded good. Create a large built-in aquarium for the living room of her monstrous house, stock it with fish, and never worry again about running out of fresh catch for dinner. Plus, as she envisioned it, the aquarium … Continue reading

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A Shattering Announcement

We’ve always been told that the sun would continue to burn properly for another five billion years before it swells to a red giant, so Earth wouldn’t turn to a cinder for almost that long. Yesterday afternoon’s news, announcing that Mercury’s … Continue reading

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Bad Behavior

Molly was an impossible leprechaun. Impossible because, as we all know, leprechauns are delightful, mischievous little beings whose behavior on their worst days brings smiles to our faces and songs to our hearts. But Molly was different. She was, for … Continue reading

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Something to Occupy My Fragile Mental State

“Senator, I have maniacal plans for after the revolution. And you will play a significant and deeply crimson part in them; your crimson splash will be an especially welcome sight to the people you injured with your policies and your greed. … Continue reading

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Sounds Like Anger With A Marshmallow Center

The sound a scalpel makes as it slices through skin is quite faint. But properly calibrated listening devices affixed to video cameras can hear and record the sound in parallel with video images. Tiny video cameras, attached to the scalpel just behind … Continue reading

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Sepsis

I went to sleep last night in a different country. I awoke this morning in this one. This country, in which wolves are hunted for their feet; chopped off and hung from belts as talismans to fend against demonic marauders. … Continue reading

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Today is Genuflectorious

I ask the question: is there a law that compels us to label what is commonly the first workday of the week ‘Monday?’ Are we required to call the second day ‘Tuesday?’ And must weekends always fall on ‘Saturday’ and ‘Sunday?’ … Continue reading

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Fruitless Pursuit

I awoke at just after 3 this morning with the expectation that I would conquer the world before daylight. This did not occur. I attempted my conquest only to be repelled by rational thought and struck by the reality that … Continue reading

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Unutterable

It has come to my attention that the French language is far more difficult for me to understand than I had earlier imagined. My mouth is not properly configured to speak, nor are my ears constructed to hear, the sounds … Continue reading

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Distinct Impossibilities

It’s almost eleven o’clock. I should have been in bed half an hour ago, but I haven’t finished my bourbon and coke (yes, I have this crude habit of drinking the swill of the working classes) I made just a few … Continue reading

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Guys Like Me are Mad for Mermaid Meat*

Buried deep in my subconscious are recollections of what must have been a torrid love affair with a mermaid. My gustatory passion for creatures who spend their lives in the sea betrays that obscure secret, hidden beneath waves of recall that pound my psyche … Continue reading

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Fulcrum

Fulcrum gazed at the bathroom mirror, marked with water spots and bits of toothpaste flung from his mouth during yesterday’s energetic attempts to brush away the taste of the previous night’s experiment with bourbon and sloe gin.  He stood staring at his reflection, illuminated by an ancient fluorescent … Continue reading

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Just Past the Point

A writer, speaking at a conference I attended, suggested interviewing key characters when it’s tough to decide on the direction one’s writing should take. So, I asked a character for an interview. He turned me down. I asked again. Same result. Later, … Continue reading

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Turn Back Time

The conversion to an age-based economy began when the Dutch implemented a program called Ungdom-penge; youth-money. Five years later, almost all global economies had adopted Ungdom-penge. The changes were not in the currencies themselves, but in what currencies could buy. Thanks … Continue reading

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A Curious Experience

Why would eight to ten grey-bearded men gather in a conference room of a public library? What commonality, aside from their beards, could cause them to assemble around a conference table, nary a smile visible behind those masculine mops? Those questions … Continue reading

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Sprites

Linda awoke just before daybreak, full of energy and anxious to explore the forest. She jumped out of bed, brushed her teeth, combed her hair, and examined herself in the bathroom mirror. Her straight, shoulder-length golden blonde hair shone brightly … Continue reading

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Just Imagine

You’ve read The Book of Imaginary Beings by Jorge Luis Borges, right? Well, if not, you’re in for a treat.  And whether you’ve read it or not, you probably didn’t know that he based the book on stories I shared … Continue reading

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Disconnected by a Thread

It appears my wifi service is down, so I am forced to rely on ATT for access to the Internet on my smart phone. I cannot type fast enough on this tiny keyboard to enable my thoughts to spill out … Continue reading

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Fairytales on Acid for Demented Adults

The Seven Dwarfs (Blick, Flick, Glick, Plick, Quee, Snick, and Whick) arranged to meet for lunch one sultry February afternoon at an Argentinian steakhouse on The Kurfürstendamm in Berlin.  They invited Goldilocks and Santa Clause to join them, anticipating both would offer … Continue reading

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The Wrong Way to Wake Up

I awoke with a start, not knowing why.  Light filtered into the room from the thin curtains on the windows, suggesting I had long overslept my normal waking hour.  I started to throw the covers off, but I felt confined, as … Continue reading

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