Author Archives: John Swinburn

About John Swinburn

"Love not what you are but what you may become."― Miguel de Cervantes

Complex Characters

Thanks to a yammering, yowling, obnoxious cat—as the clock reads 5:03 a.m.—I have been awake now for half an hour. For some reason, she enjoys making a loud racket in the wee hours, clawing at the area rugs, then running … Continue reading

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Sleep

I’ve spent the last hour looking at the “year in pictures” from the CNN website. Though I did not keep a tally, it seems to me the majority of photos captured individual reactions to bombings, earthquakes, wildfires, severe weather, and … Continue reading

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Weary Again

My favorite pocket knife—one I carry with me most of the time—is a stockman style folding knife. It has three blades: a clip point blade, sheep’s foot blade, and spey blade. Periodically, I teach myself about the types of blades … Continue reading

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Emerge

I would rather it be scheduled sooner, but it is what it is: I will have a PET-scan one week from today; I will see the oncologist the day after to discuss the results. Depending on the results, we either … Continue reading

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Contemplation

An inch of time is an inch of gold: treasure it. Appreciate its fleeting nature; misplaced gold is easily found, misspent time is lost forever. ~ Loy Ching-Yuen ~ +++ My oncologist’s office called yesterday to tell me Monday’s CT-scan … Continue reading

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Sharpness

Today marks three years since Janine died. No matter the passage of time—while trying to adjust—the pain frequently rushes in to fill the emptiness she left. The months preceding her death kept us apart like cages built of COVID. For … Continue reading

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Roar

Drinking barium in preparation for my 8 a.m. CT-scan. Unrelated to the scan, I continue to battle a variety of symptoms like headaches, too-much-sleep, etc. This is getting more annoying by the moment. But I’ll try to keep my bitching … Continue reading

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Sneer

Yesterday, when I awoke late, I felt almost human. But that did not last. I am here again, though. If my options were “this,” for several years or a quick and comfortable demise, I think I know where I’d lean … Continue reading

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Thick Clouds Shade My Sunny Disposition

My delayed CT-scan, put off due to the fact that I did not think I could tolerate the drive to the image clinic and the simple 20-minute procedure, is scheduled again for Monday. I think I can tolerate it…one week … Continue reading

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Damn and Damn and Damn Again

My optimism blossoms when my headache subsides or my other symptoms seem to improve. But pessimism returns when those improvements are short-lived or the symptoms seem to get progressively worse. Or both. The rare improvements seem to be old news. … Continue reading

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Drained of Energy

I have not posted for the last two day for lack of energy, plus the pain in my head makes movement of any kind more than a little uncomfortable. My ongoing headache has drained me. I went to my doctor’s … Continue reading

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Wishing the Pain Would Disappear

I slept yesterday morning while mi novia went to church. I slept yesterday afternoon for a few hours. I sent to bed at 6 last night and slept until 8 this morning. I feel extremely sore and I have an … Continue reading

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Passion

Though I have been curious about the concept of a kibbutz, until this morning, I never fully understood the idea and its implementation, nor have I ever taken the time and expended the energy to try. This morning, though, I … Continue reading

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Unfulfilled Promise

Yesterday morning, I sought out a post I wrote on an old blog that remains accessible, but to which I almost never contribute any longer. I do not know exactly why I went looking for that post, but something pushed … Continue reading

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Discarding the Darkness

Happy the man, and happy he alone, He who can call today his own: He who, secure within, can say Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today. Be fair or foul or rain or shine The joys I … Continue reading

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Another Day to Think and Do

The effects of the COVID-19 pandemic will be felt for years. It added enormous pressure to everyday life, turning minor stresses into traumas. Anxieties blossomed into depressions. Depressions grew more painful and powerful, becoming more dangerous and in too many … Continue reading

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Off-Note

A day—like today—can begin on an off-note. I got up much later than usual, which by itself can make the day feel like a four-cylinder car running on three cylinders. A routine damaged in that way opens the flood gates … Continue reading

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Excuses

According to a group labeled “Psycho Physicists” by Native Communications, Inc. of Manitoba, Canada, the eleven main colors (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink, brown, gray, black and white)—when altered by the shades of light and levels of red-green … Continue reading

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Otherwise

The seasons transform hardwood forests. Buds begin to erupt in early Spring; by Summer, leaves are so thick, only dappled light gets through to the forest floor. In early Fall, trees and shrubs begin to change colors and textures in … Continue reading

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Fish and Brisket and Winter’s Light

Despite the fact that we just took a short-distance, brief road trip, I crave another, longer one. Looking at a map of the USA, my eyes tend to drift toward either New Mexico and surrounding states, Oklahoma and Kansas, or … Continue reading

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Drifting Off on a Chilly Saturday Morning

Yesterday’s splitting headache lasted far longer than I expected, but a lengthy morning nap—and one even longer in the afternoon—kept my mind off of it for a good part of the day. I suspect the culprit is sinus congestion. Whatever … Continue reading

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Various Calculations

From an article in this morning’s New York Times website:  “there are a more living cells on Earth — a million trillion trillion, or 10^30 in math notation, a 1 followed by 30 zeros — than there are stars in … Continue reading

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Ditto

Tonight, we will attend a wine dinner that has long been on my short list of social engagements. The wines tonight will be from the Bordeaux region of France. The food paired with the wines (or vice versa) will be, … Continue reading

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Tangled Thoughts

My thoughts this morning are tangled, as if some are fresh and new, yet are entwined with old, ragged ones. Together, those multigenerational thoughts form a grey web that blurs those thoughts, a translucent film that impedes ideas from coalescing … Continue reading

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The Pursuit of Satisfaction

Roughly thirteen years ago, essentially all news media were focused on the plight of 33 Chilean miners caught inside a collapsed gold and copper mine.  Ultimately, they were trapped for  69 days before being rescued. Media coverage for the 41 … Continue reading

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