Author Archives: John Swinburn

About John Swinburn

"Love not what you are but what you may become."― Miguel de Cervantes

Pink Sky Streaks Send Positive Signals

It is not light that we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake. ~ Frederick Douglass ~ I hear the sounds of a distant helicopter. Of course … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Nothing of Consequence

If my accumulated sleep during the past several weeks could be applied for later use, I might be able to get by without any sleep at all until sometime in late March or early April. Alas, I doubt that is … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Upright in My Chair

Exhaustion seemed to emerge from nowhere, after a day during which I felt moderately awake and alert. I went to bed very early last night, but awoke regularly; almost on the hour. Phaedra’s yowls woke me from a light sleep … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Easy to Dismiss

White chalk, highlighted with charcoal, rusty orange, and dark green spikes. In between, lively grey stretches—almost barren and empty—attempt to represent the sky. The broken colors in my line of vision could be streaks of an incomplete painting, but they … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Scattered

Sleep remained elusive last night, despite the fact I felt tired—not exhausted, but sufficiently fatigued that I thought sleep would come easily. It did not. I slept a little, I’m sure, but not nearly enough. I’ll see what the day … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Think of Feathers

Yesterday, I replaced my cell phone with a much, much newer model of the same brand and same series (my old phone’s battery lasted only a few hours on full charge). Though most of the data were transferred from my … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

My Desire Clashes with my Political Reasoning

Yesterday’s chemo treatment went well until the infusion of carboplatin. Not long after the infusion started, I began to have difficulty breathing—not terrible, but noticeable. But with each passing minute, it seemed to get more difficult. I started coughing occasionally; … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Unnecessary

This post will be brief. I do not feel well, but then again I do not feel especially ill; just a little bit on the uncomfortable side of “blah.” Perhaps I ate something that doesn’t agree with me; but if … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

It Ain’t Fiction, Calypso

One of the first things I do most mornings—after eating pills and recording my body’s behavior—is to skim various places on the internet. This morning, my skimming took me to a piece on the NPR website. Reading Linda Wertheimer’s goodbye … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Woke

Fuzzy scenes from a dream last night: I was conversing with Leonard Cohen and a woman I did not know while we walked toward what appeared to be a blighted neighborhood. Cohen handed me a saddle-stitched and folded sheath of … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

We Are the World

Two days ago, mi novia bought a new cat tree house—an artificial, carpet-covered structure designed for a cat to play, exercise, relax, and sleep on—for my study. It replaces a small painter’s ladder Phaedra (the cat) often uses to peer … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Admiration

Fog makes the tops of pine trees in my line of sight look like smudges. Gazing intently at the more distinct outlines of trunks and branches, I allow the scene to become a painting in progress, in my head. The … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Return of All that Matters

This is one of those days when I curse myself for allowing my software knowledge and abilities to wither from infrequent use. There was a time, not so very long ago, that I could quickly and easily burnish my understanding … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Nothing of Particular Import

The first month of this year slipped away, almost unnoticed. Time, as always, has a way of distracting us from the reality that it gives us only a limited, but unknown, store of itself. If, at every moment, we were … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Signs of Daylight

It doesn’t take much. A glimpse of a photograph. A memory springing on me, seemingly out of nowhere. The way the quiet morning wraps around me as I sit at my desk. Whatever provokes it, it brings on a sudden … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Mind Wandering and Thought Skipping

Almost every day, I play Wordle, Words with Friends, and the New York Times‘ daily min-crossword. I have no interest, at the moment, in attempting to work the larger, more complex, much more difficult crosswords from the Times—that beast is … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Amo a casi todos…

Perhaps my viewpoint is colored by romantic notions of the way things once were. Or, maybe my perspective is influenced by a combination of respect and guilt. Guilt that the privileged among us are allowing a way of life for … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

It’s Easy if You Try…

Finns are at the polls as I write this, casting their ballots to replace President Sauli Niinistö, who will finish his second six-year term in March and who is not eligible for reelection. Finland is one of several Scandinavian countries … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Committed

I was confident I had bounced back—almost completely. But that was before I decided to take a “nap” after dinner, sometime before 6. I woke briefly at around 10 and periodically during the night, but aside from those moments, I … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Verbose and Grateful

I came across a Lebanese Arabic word yesterday that felt almost as though it had been coined just for me. Soubhiyé. One definition I encountered—a definition that feels luxurious and comfortable and beautiful—was this: “the whisper of dawn, when the … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

An Acceptable Stabbing

Another grey day, but the temperature promises to remain reasonably comfortable, with a high of roughly 60°F. Yesterday, while I was sleeping (when was I not?), a new supply of propane was delivered, so we can again use our gas … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Insufficient

Another grey, coolish day. I would like to slip back into bed and sleep for the next umpteen hours. Whether it was the very rare prime rib dinner I prepared last night or Monday’s injection I received at the cancer center, … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Think Some More

Injections that protect against infection but that cause bone pain. Pills that calm bone pain. More injections that address blood deficiencies that probably were caused by chemicals intended to kill cancer cells. It’s not overwhelming, by any means, but the … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Through the Trees

Yesterday, a friend braved the cold and ice to visit us for the afternoon. During our conversations, she told us about hearing of a practice, taken near the beginning of each year, of selecting a single word to help guide … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Transformations in Body and Spirit

Competitive mind-manipulation is the process to which I am subjecting myself this morning. On one face of the process, I am shocking myself more thoroughly awake by drinking an intense demitasse of expresso. The other face attempts to sooth me … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments